is paid to perform a task once ...and teach it to his infinitely replicable machine-learning replacement for free....

cites a "basic responsibility to protect people's data" as a demonstrable reason it does not "deserve to have the opportunity to serve people" while maintaining unabated the exploitation and abuse of people's data for billions in profits....

need only divine the requisite doubt to procure a bind's universal out....

lowers tariffs on hush payments in the vital interest of national security....

orgiastically signs up content providers until each show's audience couldn't much exceed the contract's signing parties....

is pretty sure the push of new applicants is not actually a crush of staff dashing for the exit....

wonders whether kids these days can look up from their phones long enough to return fire....

#WinterOlympicsSoWhite

shoehorns an olympic athlete you never heard of and some semblance of their obscure sport into an ad for a completely unrelated product or service, both of which will be forgotten forever shortly after its viewing but just long enough to impress a brand registration....

blasts a dummy glued to a car to Mars because that's less useless than sending people there....

trainwrecks with a garbage truck while fleeing a dumpster fire in the swamp....

discriminates on the basis of creed and no one gives a sh*t....

were the applause breaks not to go as long as expected can always stretch with off-script rambling and awkward in-person shout-outs....

stokes the hearth with a chunk of hickory, stirs a softly bubbling stew, freshens a mug of tea and the pillows, shuts off the phone and in dim slate incandescence whets a page-turning finger as wintery madness swirls outside....

puts his feet up on the plane ride home, basking in the afterglow of the unqualified sincerity and unfeigned affection with which he was so warmly accepted by the elite clique that managed to avoid him for years....

takes on enough moisture to swell the leaks shut....

collapses in a crush of gravity so hard that space and time are bent into an infinitely curved point ...and can't get up