Can't believe how much I miss him...

I feel like I've bn kicked in the gut again! Maybe I pushed to hard or you thought I expected to much- but truth is I knew it could never happen- 573 miles is a long way.. Just talking to you I got to pretend that I was somewhere else that I wasn't alone and that just maybe someone as perfect as you are- could fall for someone as flawed as I am ... Truth has a funny way of crashing down doesn't it- back to the reality of things...

You break my heart by not saying a word- wish I could find the strength you seem to have to leave us behind

Reminding myself daily why I shouldn't- I be damned if I don't do it anyway

I'm going to bed alone tonight- kept watching and praying that you'd decided to come home and were just gonna surprise me- I am such a fool... So tired of waiting for dead ends to become an endless highway instead of a empty alley.. I put my faith and hope into something that is clearly non existent... Your just a scared boy destroying a lonely girl who only wanted to love you

Speechless- I was so convinced that you would never actually leave... I was so sure my love would be enough to being you home despite the odds.. I am tossed like I'm caught in a hurricane and can't find any shelter from the storm.. You were my always and forever.. My last chance at true love- but funny thing is I loved u truly and you loved me partially... I no longer believe in love just in lies

My head is jumbled my life is in shambles- twisted in knots w no sign of relief idea why is my love not good enough- how long till enough will finally be enough

Today is that day I've dreaded- I can only occupy my mind for so long then my thoughts return to you- I want you to hold me and tell me I'm beautiful.. I want to watch you play with our boys and enjoy them getting older- I want you to embrace the beautiful life that I offer you and to live in the magic of the moments that are so precious and few and far btwn

My heart hurts- the brief moments I saw you yesterday made my mind soar and then crash instantly to realize u were just leaving again- I don't know what to think or do- you tell me you love me but how can that be when she gets you and I don't- I want you home- I want you in my arms- no I know my happiness isn't the only thing that's important but shouldn't it matter a little- specially since you say the only time you feel anything is when your in my bed? I need you to talk to me- I need you to help me see- lies and bullshit aside I can't see what's real anymore it's all been jerked up.. I cling to my love for you and hope someday before it's not too late you'll realize that my arms are where you belomg

I feel like I need a way out- to review and release- I miss the taste of your skin and the way your arms feel around me- I love the way we love together and my heart breaks daily and the wind won't stay in my lungs when I think that you've replaced me- I miss you more than words and can't let go of our love- I'm for a loss of words on how quickly and coldly you let go- when you told me you still loved me so-