Well, it is Easter once again. God help us all. I weigh a whopping 135 and some change. I'm actually (of course I am) starting watching what I eat today. God knows I always have to start my diets on Holidays anyway in order to make them work. I think that is hilarious, but it is what it is. I'm on Faye's computer as we speak, just hanging out. Listening to Denise in the back ground fixing some type of casserole. They day started off dreary, but the sun has come out, so there are still hopes for the day after all. Faye has such a neat office, and then I think of how exactly mine looks. I always thought I would be a great business person, but as it turns out I was wrong about that also lol. But, I do very much like her key board. I wonder if I can find one like this on Amazon or nah. And of course, it is wireless. As is her mouse. I'll just have to buy my own.

At this point in time, I am extremely happy. Or at least, I am content. I feel happy here. Its a quiet place. And there is no expectation here. Absolutely no expectation.

Its 3:34pm and all me and my mother have done is fight since I got home two days ago. I believe I should just go home. Even if there is absolutely no one there. Peace is still peace, right?

Dear Lord,I want a position as a counselor at BPC, but I feel like I have had many doors slammed in my face lately. I'm exhausted, but I know that you have me nestled in the palm of your hand. I love you and I thank you. Praise.

Glad to see that I am in the same place that I was a year ago. This morning at 9:30 I weighed 128.4. The GM Diet starts today and today is melon day. Honeydew, watermelon, and cantaloupe. Wish me luck! I am a successful person and I will meet my goals :)

The beast within is alive tonight.

These expectations are killing my life. I have to realize that I already am satisfied. I keep on pushing for more. This is not a healthy state of mind. It would be a lie to say that I don't feel disappointed or hurt. I am hurt. I also realize I have no one to blame but myself on this front. It is not fair to blame someone for making you feel a certain way when I am the one responsible for the way I feel.

The world is sparkling today. We will not fall asunder, after all.

What if I no longer seem to care after this particular one? What if in a blink, its all gone?

Opps and oh, shit.

I walk by, seeing the ever-increasing potential compacted into such a bright surface. In my doorway I stand looking in on the portal. Given the right keystrokes, my life could transform into an unrecognizable landscape of opportunity and breathlessness.

Alright little kitties, as of right now I am a firm 125.something. I've seemed to hit a plateau. However, I am proud to say that I have at least made it this far.

I know what needs to be done. I am now able to do it.