Every week I'll be here to reveal and review some of my favorite moments from the internet. Whether it be bingeing television shows, streaming sports, or simply getting lost in a YouTube rabbit hole, I'm here to give you my top picks every Friday, as well as the perfect paring to get into an optimal headspace for them. This week, we're intentionally ignoring gun violence and other terrible news to focus on stuff that makes the world worth living in, the comic stylings of a very neurotic man.

Curb Your Enthusiasm

Recommended Pairing: Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good wine.

Most of my days are spent hunched over my computer avoiding sunlight and social interaction as my fat stubby fingers mash out letters, words and pages.

I spend so much of my time indoors and inside my own head it's a little concerning that the light dilating my pupils is often the most exercise I get in a 48 hour period. So occasionally I feel the pressing need to walk around outside and have the sunshine bake my smooth alabaster skin.

When I'm out on my little micro-adventures of running errands or grabbing coffee, I constantly find myself stuck in some sort of situational-comedy purgatory... a laugh track limbo if you will.

For instance, I'll be in line at the grocery store having just meticulously arranged all of my items on the conveyor belt (barcodes up and arranged in descending order of fragility) when I see the bagger chucking someone's eggs and bread into the bottom of a bag. My heart and breathing becomes erratic and I'll sort of drift off...  It's like a cheesy movie where I die on the operating table and my spirit rises from my body to watch the doctors huddled around me slowly lose hope. 

I stand helplessly, watching myself awkwardly interact with everyday people just going about their normal lives as I try to politely take control of the situation. I'll snap back to reality realizing I've unintentionally created a scene by insisting that I prefer to "bag it up myself" or whatever the situation may be.

Inside my giant empty skull my brain will often start rattling out this little tune, "Bum bum bum..."

Larry David is my goddamn spirit animal. 

 He always has been and he forever will be.

When I was around nine years old a locksmith working on our front door locked his keys in his truck. I thought that was hilarious. Eventually he did too, but not before my mom put herself between me and him fearing he was turning red with rage and not reluctant acceptance of the irony followed by a laughing fit.

 I once broke up with a girl in high school because she would always call me while my friends and I were watching the last season of Seinfeld. Without fail the phone would ring just as the bass-slapping midi track started jangling over the opening credits. What was she thinking? Was she doing it on purpose?

It's not like she wasn't invited to come and watch. She was invited. She chose to interrupt. I can't be involved with someone who would ruin purposely the one thing a week I truly enjoyed. i had no choice, we had to break up.

Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld absolutely ruined everyday life for me.

Not that I'm complaining, its just that I honestly can't go outside without becoming incensed by some perceived sleight perpetuated by the failures of society to produce healthy human interactions.

So I stay inside where the only person I have to hate is me. 

To this day I find myself lazily watching old reruns of Seinfeld instead of anything new on television, not that there's anything wrong with that.

In fact, I found a website (that shall remain nameless for fear of losing it) that just streams Seinfeld episodes on a loop non-stop. It's amazing because sometimes I just want it on in the background and I don't want to waste time picking an episode or feel obligated to start from the beginning. It's nice to just have it start randomly somewhere on a random episode.

You know, Hulu should really introduce a randomizer feature for their player.

Seinfeld's last episode was May 14, 1998.
Curb Your Enthusiasm's last episode was September 11, 2011.

It's been far too long since we had a fresh helping of beautiful neurosis  Sure, Jerry has his little coffee and cars show, which I love, but I need more Larry in my life. I need more than quick flourishes from him in little cameos.

I need another in-depth look at his troubled mind as it makes its way through the minutiae of our modern world.

On June 12, I was actively avoiding any and all of coverage of the horrific Orlando shooting. I didn't want to hear about gun rights. I didn't want to hear people convinced the main issue at play was whether or not people were going to use the word radical to describe the gunman. I had had enough so I decided to shut the outside world off for a while and burn through the entirety of Curb Your Enthusiasm on my HBO Go account.

Three days later and I'm watching Larry David driving a prostitute to a Dodger game when I get a text message from one of my best friends since high school.

Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 9 confirmed.

Thank fucking god.