It's been 8 years now. I still miss you everyday.

Lakin, six years ago from today I got a phone call from my dad. He told me to sit down and said "Lakin killed herself." I didn't think I heard him right, "what?" I asked. He said, "she killed herself. Lakin hung herself." As he cried on the other end, I knew he was serious. It hit me like a Mack truck. I sat on the bed and wept and could only ask, over and over, "why?" I got off of the phone and told Keith, he cried with me. We wasted no time getting to your mom's house; your room is where I stayed for the entire time we were there. I sat on your bed and looked at photos, I looked in your closet at all your clothes and shoes that you'd never again wear, and I stared at the tinker bell mirror I got you for your birthday. You know, the big one from Home Depot that you wanted so bad?! We left a few hours later and went home, where I cried some more. The day of your funeral, I was walking into the church as your mother was coming out, she looked at me and immediately started crying. "Doesn't she look just like Lakin," she asked her friend, "she looked just like Lakin walking through those doors." I felt so guilty, like I was rubbing salt in her wounds just by being there. But I bet it made you smile. I guess we looked more alike than you thought. I don't even want to talk about the heartbreak of watching when your daddy arrived, that's too much. After the funeral we went to the burial site and watched them lay you to rest. During the ceremony I noticed a group of kids staring at me, I'd never met or seen them before. As I went to leave they stopped me. "Are you Lakin's cousin?" They asked. I told them yes. One of the boys said "I knew it. Y'all look so much alike. She used to talk about you all the time and how she wanted to look just like you. She used to show us pictures of you, like, 'isn't she so pretty?' I smiled through my tears, I used to do the same thing, but about you. Six years you've been gone and I still think about you all the time. I get so mad at you, I know you see that. I'm gonna forgive you someday for taking yourself from me. I don't know when, but I hope it's soon. Don't let that lead you to believe that I don't love you. That's not what it means at all. It's the exact opposite, actually. I miss you, Bacon.

I love and miss you so much, pretty girl. You're not forgotten. ❤️ Love you, Bacon.