My Beautiful Goddess I miss you so

My vampire queen tell me are you in pain if you are good I felt it way to long. You are not the same person I remember you as funny how seeing someone pass in front of us cracked our minds. The rest we had was not for the better you left me the way I dreamed of you left me for someone else. The attempt I did must have happened I came back as someone else. Not recognizing myself coming to a new reality and knowing I am not in my world I came from. I must tell you though that their is a person I fell for. As awkward as it is I can not act upon my feelings for her. She calms me down and makes me smile genuinely. She may not know it. So vampire queen I must say I am sorry I am unable to go back home. I hope you got hurt the same way you hurt me your broken heart will heal. My heart healed to her even though I act randomly.

My vampire Queen how I miss thee so much why can I not go back to when the day you first said "I love"? It hurts tremendously :( this is called an obsession but I call it insane.

Why must I be far away from my vampire queen through time :( it's not fair. I was taken away from her while I live in a world that we aren't together.

The dreams have gotten weird over the last couple of days. I get beat and bloodied by a woman I love. The oddness of it though I hear a voice saying there will be a woman who will look like her and have the same name as her and she will love you while you protect her. Even though the voice said I will resist trying to love her back but my mind and heart will always love her. As the dream continues I struggle to get up a friend finds me and brings me to a hospital. I get in a room and the doctors and nurses to their best to get me better. Not entirely sure why I am still a live when I was close to death.

Was it a lose to know I have been in a hospital for years, am I really better or waking up to go to a job that might be fake and driving in a car. I am lost my friend if you see this you’re not alone I went to the hospital in 2014 for a suicide attempt. I honestly did not feel like I left this feels all a dream evening writing to you now whoever you maybe. As I said you’re not alone I too wake up to a world going to disaster, I’ll explain to you my world I left. I once lived with a beautiful wife who left me for another mans and a sister who was lesbian, when I went to the hospital there was a sudden time shift. I couldn’t sleep without my beautiful queen and once I got to bed finally it felt so off my friend if I may call you that. I finally woke up in the year 2017 where my ex wife and that man weren’t together for a long time and my sister is now trans. I’m sure you may h me for my thought process but it’s a weird time her to choose to be trans.

Ever had a feeling when you are about to sleep and then wake up and you are not in the time you think you are in but another one. Oddly I found it off putting cause I wanted to be happy but that wasn’t the case when I felt her and heard her voice. Was this a trick of my mind or a dream I could not tell for it was so obscure. The air felt off the whole vibe of the world like it wanted to crumble around me while her and I laid on the ground. If anyone felt a similar thing let me know cause time was nonexistent where ever I was or time my mind still thinks of it.

As I walk out my queen followed me out as I was rushing to think it was fake when she grabbed my hand saying why are you rushing out? Turning around I stopped in my tracks saying this isn’t real I know I’m my heart you do not love me. She let go of my hand as I dropped to my knees crying still screaming I know this is t real you do not love me. I can pour my heart out to you and this whole world but you will never see me that way. As darkness pours around me as I accept the cold embrace but a hand pulls me out and says I can not let you fall back into the darkness. Come my child you will be renewed with my forgiveness as I know you forgave yourself.

As the queen responds by she tell the therapist that there is someone special she can not confess to and would like to hear others stories. In my head I shake my head there is no way she thinks that of me, the therapist say lovely you’re in the right place. As we get up for break I was outside to pretend to use the bathroom. The door took its time to close as I turn around to close it the queen is behind me embarrassed I look at her and say oh I’m umm sorry. She shakes her head as in a response of no you’re fine, speaking she ask me why I follow her around the school? Looking away out the window I sigh and look back at her telling her I love her. She was shocked by my response but I kept going there was a certain thing about her that makes me want to to get to know her. It’s sorta bad to be honest as I looked at her it became a stalker type and I will not do it again. As I was about to walk back she asked me what’s the first thing you noticed about me?

The queen speaks to her friends as I listen to her intently while hiding behind the wall. I feel like a coward I know she senses me there but ignores me as if I was invisible. That saddens my heart but my vampire queen is happy. I walk past her and her friends not making eye contact mumbling to myself. Walking home thinking on how I am a werewolf and she is a vampire. It was never meant to be why in my heart do I feel that deep connection? It's obsession I say as home is in eye distance. Time to drop off my things and head to therapy. As the group says hello I was shocked to see her there. Keeping cool as my turn was on its way to share what has been helping me through my love drunk self. I hear her whisper across the room saying you and I need to talk. Nervous from what I heard, I stood up stood I write in my notebook it has been helping. The therapist asked vampire queen why she was there her response was shocking.

So I became aware I'm truly in love my vampire queen so lovely with her lips so red and kissable. Her body is lovely like a hour glass the wonderful shape makes me blush. As I bow down to her in the dream I want to kiss her feet. Oh the thought of her makes me want to go up to her but my shyness is so strong. Vampire queen if you hear this I want to show my love for you I do not want to say it.

Oh my vampire queen why must dream such horrid things? Is it not enough that you are are far away why must my thoughts torment me. Do I lust over you or do I love my thoughts are jumbled. Oh my vampire queen it is easy to say I love you. My actions from the past speaks other wise my shamefulness is worne like a burden. I search myself for my own forgiveness hoping one day you can see my heart and mind chose you. Would that be enough though will I be able to be redeemed I a bloody beast who has hurt you with words and actions.

My deepest thought of this nightmare is why I can not be in comatose where I hug you and hold you so long that I never want to let go. My beautiful queen I must say I love you forever I love you always as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be my love for you knows no bounds it’s as endless as time itself. You’re laughing and saying shut up you fool stop this love madness you should not love me you did non forgivable things and said horrible things. You can’t take those back, I step backwards to bow my head low and say yes you are right I shall leave. As I turn around I can not move cause you’re still in the way why can you not torment me like this. The love I have for you is eternal as I hold up the rings I hold them when I’m awake grabbing my chest I show the key and I still hold my necklace you chose for me. Does this not show I am always thinking about you kneeling down I sat down and just cried. While crying I hear voices from the darkness.

The eyes I dream of so fierce but yet so gorgeous behind those eyes are peaceful they penetrate my soul. For I know I have done them wrong and I can not take my actions back. Oh my beautiful vampire queen punish me for eternity for I am your loyal lycanthrope my heart knows your worth. Just the thought of your eyes and your beautiful smile with those luscious lips I run but you’re very quick for me to escape. Your image appears in front of me with your laugh which has a hint of glee and sadness to it. Oh that laugh is music to my ears as I bow down and cry asking you to stop I can not take it. I can not be your wolf as you will not be my bride you have forbade it and my heart and mind linger on for life knowing you’re happy without me. My beautiful vampire why must I dream of you and that gorgeous face and body you have which I can not hold. Must I suffer to the end of days trying to find light in this dreadful world which I can not escape from oh how I wish I can wake up from this nightmare.