The Life Cycle of a Meme

Recommended Pairing: Motha fucking bread crumbs.

The internet has hardened my heart with a callous shell of skepticism. It's too bad because only a few years ago if I had read a headline about a Chinese Zoo regretting an online poll to name their new gorilla I would have devoured the article with glee. This week, however, I saw the headline and knew two things immediately:

1.  That fucking gorilla had been christened "Harambe McHarambeface"

and

2. There was very little chance that it was a real story and even less of a chance that the name would stick if somehow it was true

A few days later the BBC cracked the case. Not only was the story a hoax, the Boston Leader, which was the first "news source" to report the results of the online poll appear to be fake as well. That's some serious dedication to an incredibly juvenile prank — a stunt that my hardened heart has softened up for.

Apparently, all you needed to do was simply click around that site for a minute to realize not only was the Boston Leader suspicious, and nobody's ever heard of the Boston Leader. That didn't stop this "story" from getting picked up on every blog and getting thrown into every other person's social media feeds.

That's the thing with memes though, right? They only exist because enough people connect to them so usually, the content that goes viral is incredibly low brow or viciously immature. 

That being said, I loved the original story of Boaty McBoatface. 

It was a classic example of the joke, "This is why we can't have nice things." I loved that even though the online poll got hijacked by nerds, they chose to vote for something silly instead of overtly racist, disgusting, and/or mean:

The whole Harambe thing, though? That shit is straight up out of hand. Sure, it's fun to say "Dicks out for Harambe" as a riff on our social justice warrior protest culture. I can see how it came to be as a go-to motto of parody for protest signs. It's irreverent, silly and mentions a penis — so you know it's gonna get a laugh. 

I just want it to stop. Is there any way we can replace this with my new favorite gif and my official Halloween costume for 2016, "Girl devouring cotton candy like a demon"?

That'd be great. Thanks!

Walking Pneumonia 

Recommended Pairing: Carefully omitted words and bedrest.

A quick takeaway from this week in American politics: 

Journalism is dead, right? I mean, what the fuck is CNN even doing? 

In a week where we "celebrated" the 15th anniversary of the 9/11 attack, we were inundated with stories about Hillary's pneumonia; Trump's health records and how America pays for NFL patriotism. Nothing worries me more than people talking themselves into voting for Trump, even as a lark. I have nightmares of droves of dorks with "Dicks out for Harambe" T-shirts voting for Trump and then laughing about it with their friends. 

Then we jump forward to two weeks later where we're all like:

Newsweek promised a bombshell-laden exposé on Donald Trump this week. And they delivered — the problem is everybody already knows he's an egomaniac that doesn't give a shit about everyday Americans. Hell, I doubt he cares about anybody except for himself and his hot-ass daughter. 

Of course he has shady business deals around the globe. Of course they would put our national security and national interests into peril. Of course roughly half the country is going to vote for him. These are the same people who booed the President of the United States on 9/11 at football stadiums across the country. The same people, mind you, that ruined the careers of the Dixie Chicks when they suggested anything other than blind support for an acting president.

Fuck 'em.

Here's the best argument for moving to Canada in the event of a Trump presidency: Archival footage from the 1984 Canadian federal election, when Canada's political parties were given five minutes of prime-time television. This was the first and last time the Rhinoceros Party was allowed on CBC. 

I think I may have to switch my party affiliation to the Rhinoceros Party ASAP. 

Here's a 'greatest hits' of their platforms over their amazing 30-year run:

-Adopting the British system of driving on the left; this was to be gradually phased in over five years with large trucks and tractors first, then buses, eventually including small cars, and bicycles and wheelchairs last.

-Changing Canada's currency to bubble gum, so it could be inflated or deflated at will.

-Ending crime by abolishing all laws

-Repealing the law of gravity

-eliminate small businesses, and replace them with very small businesses, having less than one employee.

-Building one nuclear power plant per household, including monthly distributions of lead underwear to Canadians. Indoor lighting would then be provided by radioactive citizens.

'Til next week.