It’s Holiday time in the corporate world. That means that your office is likely stuffed with decorations, Christmas music and the looming landmine of social occasions that everyone loves to hate. There is no greater threat to your career or livelihood than the office Christmas party. If you follow my five simple rules, you’ll not only be able to survive it; you might get out unscathed.

Don’t Get Your Boss a Present (You Horrendous Suck Up)

There’s a part of you that will feel like this is the best possible time to show the people in charge of your company that you care about them. You want them to think that you are a caring, compassionate team member. You want to show them that you think they are more than just the oppressive corporate overlords. You want to get them a bottle of wine, or a Starbucks gift card, to show that the holiday season makes everyone a little more human.

Well don’t do that you fart sniffing brown-noser. For one thing, if you’ve never had a relationship with your boss that would include random gifts; what the hell makes you think that this is the right time to set that precedent? Why would you cross the line from hourly phone drone to modest attempt at human being? Also, think of the impression you’re giving to everyone else at the party. Who didn’t you buy a gift for? Is there someone that might be expecting that kind of attention that you’re ignoring in order to try to further your career via shitty little trinkets?

Good job jackass; way to kick the Holidays off with a bang.