If you’ve been paying attention to any of the WWE brands lately (if you’re reading this you probably have been… or you’re related to me and trying to be supportive, and for that I thank you) you may have noticed someone is missing. No, I’m not talking about Seth Rollins or Daniel Bryan. I’m talking about the good-guy face of the entire company: John Cena.

Cena hasn’t shown his (face) face at a live event in well over a month now. He didn’t appear at Survivor Series last month and doesn’t have a match slated for this month’s upcoming PPV: TLC: Tables, Ladders, and Chairs. In fact, the last time Cena wrestled was at Hell in a Cell, where he lost the WWE United States Championship to Alberto Del Rio. 

The reason for Cena’s absence is simple: He’s a smart man. For a guy pushing 40, Cena knows his wrestling clock is ticking. And so, like The Rock and Batista before him, he’s attempting a career switch from the squared circle of wrestling to the red carpet of Hollywood.

This isn’t the first time Cena’s taken time off from ring action for soundstage action. Earlier this year, he showed up in Amy Schumer’s Trainwreck, and he also has a role in the upcoming Tina Fey/Amy Poehler movie Sisters. But Cena’s most recent absence from the ring is due to the fact that he’s shooting a new reality show for Fox titled American Grit. 

To be honest, this career switch makes perfect sense. Actors work fewer hours and make more money than wrestlers. Actors also don’t have to live on the road, traveling from town to town and living out of suitcases in hotel rooms. Oh, and one more thing: Actors don’t have to get the shit beaten out of them four or five nights a week to make a living. 

The Rock left regular wrestling appearances behind him in 2003. Since then, he’s appeared in both the G.I. Joe and Fast & Furious franchises, just to name a few. Batista left WWE in 2010, but has appeared in Guardians of the Galaxy and the most recent James Bond film, Spectre, since then. I’m sure Cena is hoping his acting career will be just as successful (if not more successful) than his wrestling career.

In order to ensure his success, I’ve decided to help out by suggesting some film roles—specifically, in movie remakes—that Cena should pursue. You’re welcome, John Cena! 

Dirk Diggler in 'Boogie Nights' 

When Cena made his professional wrestling debut in 2002, his thugonomics, white-boy character was immediately compared to both Vanilla Ice and Marky Mark. And I’m not talking about the actor/producer Mark Wahlberg that we all know and love today, but the tighty-whities-wearing, Funky Bunch Marky Mark from 1992. So why not come full circle and have Cena playing Marky Mark playing a porn star character that’s loosely based on John Holmes? C’mon, c’mon, John Cena! Feel the irony! In my opinion, Boogie Nights was solely responsible for turning Marky Mark into Mark Wahlberg, so it’s very possible that it could do the same thing for Cena. When The Hollywood Reporter announces he’s been cast as Dirk Diggler, everyone will be all like, “John Cena… the wrestler?!?” But after he gets nominated for a Golden Globe (only to be beaten out by James Franco for his portrayal of US President Lyndon B. Johnson in LBJ’s Jumbo), those same people will be all like, “John Cena… the guy who used to be a wrestler! Bravo!” If he plays his cards right, there might even be a sequel in his future: More Boogie. More Nights. 

Julius Benedict in 'Twins'

Who doesn’t want to see this 1988 Schwarzenegger/DeVito comedy classic remade? I mean, you get why it’s funny, right? Because one is short and fat, and the other one is tall and muscular… and they’re twins! HAHAHA… sigh. Anyway, Cena would play the role of Julius Benedict (played by Schwarzenegger in the original) because, you know, he’s tall and muscular. (This is film industry stuff here, folks, not rocket science.) Obviously, Josh Gad would play Danny DeVito’s character. Or, hell, have DeVito reprise the role and really have it make no sense whatsoever. In all seriousness, I think Cena did one hell of a job playing the sentimental, sympathetic boyfriend in Trainwreck. If he can pull that off, he can definitely deliver lines like “It’s not a tumor!” in a more believable way than Schwarzenegger. What’s that? That line is from Kindergarten Cop? Eh. Six of one, half dozen of the other, right?

He-Man in 'Masters of the Universe'

Cena has played the perpetual good guy in the ring for well over a decade now. He-Man (SPOILER ALERT: AKA Prince Adam) has played the perpetual good guy in the universe for all eternity… or Eternia. (See what I did there?) Anyway, who wouldn’t want to see Cena with a pageboy haircut and running around in furry underwear? He’d look like the Aryan version of Javier Bardem’s character in No Country For Old Men! And if WWE played it right, they could even do a cross-promotion with the film where they introduce Skeletor as a wrestler. Oh, don’t look at me like I’m crazy. The company introduced a fucking turkey character 25 years ago, so I don’t think putting Skeletor in the ring is too much of a stretch. 

Vida in 'To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar'

The late Patrick Swayze first brought the drag queen character of Vida to the big screen in 1995 (though the film was just a rip-off of The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, which had come out the year before). But why would Cena be good at bringing the character back to life? Honestly, he probably wouldn’t be; I just really want to see him play a drag queen for two hours. They could even cast other wrestlers in the two additional starring roles: Big E could play Wesley Snipes’ character Noxeema, and Alberto Del Rio could totally pull off John Leguizamo’s character Chi-Chi. Hey, a guy can dream, can’t he? I mean, not really dream about that exact thing, but… oh, you know what I mean! 

'Look Who’s Talking' 

Bruce Willis went from playing an action-movie badass motherfucker (John McClane) in 1988’s Die Hard, to doing the voice of a baby (Mikey) in Look Who’s Talking a year later. Cena should follow Willis’ lead. After he plays a falling porn star, a muscular twin, a master of the universe, and a drag queen, what better role to tie his acting career together than that of a babbling baby? And he’d get to work with Kirstie Alley (her contract gives her first right of refusal), which is a plus… ish. Right?